I don’t aim for a 4.0.

In fact, I’ve tried to ruin it/get rid of it in the past and up until the second semester of my senior year, I have been unsuccessful. I don’t purposely put down wrong answers or not participate in class because I still want to do the learning and it’s not necessarily about the two numbers, but more so about the effort that goes into the work.

So instead, I choose which assignments I feel I have the capacity to do and let the others fall off my plate.

I see it as a practice in being ok with imperfection and not having my grades be tied to my identity or self worth. Trying to ruin the 4.0 I figured would also alleviate grade related stress because then the pressure to keep the gradebook pristine would be gone. I’m lucky enough to have parents who don’t pressure me for grades but instead tailor their parenting style to me because they know grades aren’t the issue for me, having a school-life balance is. 

The need for this change was made obvious during my 8th grade year.

It was Covid times and so I went to a fully online school. That meant that my work space and living space were the same and so I was constantly surrounded by the stress and pressure to do schoolwork. There was no natural cutoff in my day so I felt like I should always be working and making my assignments the closest thing to perfect I could. In short, there was no ‘good enough’ for me: no school-life balance.

I started trying out the new mindset sophomore year because I was given the perfect opportunity. I’m always trying to work on myself and being the best, healthiest version of myself so when it was semester two in an elective class and I had a bunch of big end-of-year assignments and assessments, I decided not to prioritize a 100 point essay and was fully in acceptance that I would get a B in the class.

My first ever B in a class is second semester of IB Chem 2 and it’s because I didn’t put in enough study time to get the higher grade for the final, and I’m ok with that.

I prioritized sleep and sanity and I don’t regret it.

There is an added sense of relief in getting a B in this particular class because it’s dual credit so that means that my college 4.0 is also off the table. I’m looking forward to the lack of pressure for perfection for the next 4 years.

Now I know how this sounds: bad.

I acknowledge that other people’s experiences and relationships with their report cards are different and I don’t want to discredit those who work really hard to get the grades they deserve. Now, I also realize that I don’t have any studies or research to directly support that this approach is the way to go, and it’s not going to be for everyone. But for me, it’s a matter of health over ambition or perfection. This approach to academics has helped me enjoy my high school experience and has kept my cortisol at more reasonable levels.

I still have a long way to go in practicing my imperfect mindset, especially when it comes to other areas of my life, but looking back, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and am hopeful for my future self because she’ll already have a foot in the door when it comes to work-life balance.